She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
