and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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