she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
