What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
