please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
