i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
