Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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