He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
