This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
