sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
