obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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