He asked to "fluff my boner.."
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
