he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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