craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
