Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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