i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
