You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
