Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i out mim tonsoeep
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