I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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