Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
