The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize