Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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