We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
