i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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