he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
