your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
