She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize