also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i've created a new STD.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
