somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
