Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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