No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
