Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
