just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
