He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
