Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
People in love make me want to vomit
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize