Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
