stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
