Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Your cock deserves a montage
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
