bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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