I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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