my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
