Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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