so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
A+ Viking dick
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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