dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
