she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
