My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Barsexuality is the new black.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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