You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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