Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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