Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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