Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
