Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I need to sanitize my soul.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
