Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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