i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
