if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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