IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize