Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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