Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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