On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
