I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
