I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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