My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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