More tranny stories later!
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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