In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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