i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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