what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize