if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
