if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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