My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She announced her abortion via fbk
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
