yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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