That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
