Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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