Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
mondays should just be called national damage control day
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
