why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
