so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
