I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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